Friday, January 29, 2010

A Few Out of Many

This post is not a very good idea. How can it be? I've decided to mention just a few of my 'friends' here, out of so many. Section A of our batch is like a freak show. Each and every character is unique and has his/her own set of ideas, morals, attitude, pros and cons. So it would be better if I could talk about them all. But instead I'm just going with my short list.

For a couple of friends, staying together in the same school, college and university and always in the same section is rarity probably in the whole world. Yet, starting from class four at Udayan School, going through the time at Dhaka City College together and now here at AUST, me and Shuvro have spent 13 friggin years together. Amazed? Even I can't believe it's been that long. But the irony in it is that despite spending such a long time together, me and Shuvro never got to be close friends. Our conversations mostly comprised of me hitting on Shuvro, giving him a healthy dose of pochani, or otherwise over the phone, helping each other in our studies. I take all the blame on myself for not being able to be a real friend to Shuvro, I wish I could be a lot more closer to him. A big thanks to him for staying with me all these years despite my shortcomings, and thanks for all those precious notes as well.

The other friend I carried over from Udayan was Nobin. Although we were friends from school, but I really got to be close to him in the varsity life. Most of the guys here at AUST know him for his hilarious and irritating gags which make us all laugh out loud. Jokes he would throw at someone would definitely make him scream "Nobin-er bachchaaaaaa" (the direct english of that won't be appropriate, at all). But I've known him for more than that. In the early days at the varsity, I remember telling him that he has a gift that many don't, conscience, and I told him to make the best use of it. Everyone expects a lot from the ones most dear. It scares us to see our loved ones go in the wrong direction. It's out of this expectation and fear that I often had to yell at him, scold him and put up a frown. I think he understands that as well. Writing any longer about him would flatter him too much so I'm gonna stop without mentioning the things I would like to thank him for.

In one of the very first classes of university, some teacher wanted to know where we all lived. After that class a guy with curly hair and an enlarged nose came up to me and said he lived close to my place (although it's not as close as I thought). It was the first time I met Kanto. Probably our route back to home helped in bringing us closer. If you consider our class as a star connected network, Kanto is probably the central hub. Any gossip generating in any corner, would surely reach Kanto (thanks to sources like Fahad), and thus reach all the other folks. So nothing could actually remain a secret for very long. Over the course of four years, Kanto has been named a lot of things, mostly by me, agreed upon by all. Dalal, Dhandabaj, Gutibaj, Geen-er Badshah, Gero mia, Kutna Kanto, in short DDBGBGBGMKK has been a very popular attribute for this pal (again, I'm incapable of translating those). A characteristic of Kanto that always stood out (and sometimes bugged the rest of his friends) is the tendency to keep to the safe side of things. All these things and more makes Kanto a friend on the 'Most Wanted' and 'Most Needed' lists.

Now, what to write about Pulak? Although we knew each other from beginning of varsity, we really got to be friends from 3-2. It all started when Pulak called me up to work with him on a project for the Electrical Day. We chatted on the campus and over the phone on a regular basis. Soon I found out that we had a lot of things in common. I don't know about him, but from my part, in just one and a half years, I got much closer to him than I thought would be possible in such a short time.The tour to Sylhet strengthened our bond. But the thread that ties us more strongly (and Inshallah will keep us tied forever), is our inclination towards Islam. I've seen how selfless this guy can be. People from all four sections, friends or not, could rely on Pulak before the exams to make notes and help them on the studies. I've seen his concern for the safety of the whole group in the unforgettable Sundarban tour. We always joked about his many short lived interests. For days he would keep talking about buying a car, and all of a sudden it would fade away ('Hujug' is yet another word I can't translate properly). Many other things caused 'spikes' in his heart, you know what I mean, but all of those interests had the same fate, they just died.

Rumman is the self proclaimed one-member 'Committee' of our section, and honestly he has lived up to that title. From arranging funny yet entertaining cricket tournaments in the campus to hitting a guy on the face just when it's needed, you can always count on R-Man. He and I had a special sort of bond. Due to the.... ahem.... striking size differences between us, we were like Chacha Choudhuri and Sabu. More so, we were like the devil and the angel (or should I say, the devil and the devil in a good guys appearance, hehe).

Before 4-2, Taneem was in the Bhai-Bon group of our class. It's in the very last semester that we actually got to be friends (although he's been a silent but regular reader of my blog for the last couple of years I guess). Here's a guy I really wish I could get much closer with, could spend more time with. From the very little time he had to ourselves in the tour to Sundarban, in the campus after that, and in brief chat sessions on the net, I really feel like we could use a little more time to get closer. By the way, why do they call him 'Guardian'?

The same could be said about Imtiaz, our Pasha bhai. One could look at him and say that he's moody, with a serious look in his face and in the way he talks all the time. But once you get close to him, you would definitely get another picture. So it really amazed me when I saw tears in his otherwise rock solid eyes on the very last day. I wish I could get to know him a little earlier, I wish we could get to be closer friends.

As I've said at first, everyone in our section is special, and unique in their own ways. It's the presence of them all that makes our section complete. Imran with his selfless service of providing chotha throughout the four years, Fahad (khashi) with his endless wisdom, Pritom the ultra high speed chatterbox, Farhan with his...... I can't say, he might just lash out on me, Fokha's broad smiles that doesn't fit his pumped up body and everyone else's unique features that would take a lot of time to write down about, all come together and add up to make Section-A such a great family. It's been my second home for the last four years, and home is where the heart is.

Why have I used inverted commas for friends in the first para? Friends. I've always felt that a true friend is he to whom you could say it all, to whom you could express all your feelings, emotions, tears and joy. Before I started university, I wanted one thing from it, at least one friend just like that. Now, I'm asking myself, does anyone I've mentioned in this post match that description? I could express myself 90% to some of them, but a 100% ? It hurts me to say, no. And that's the reason it feels so bad that it all has to end now, cuz I deeply feel that if only I had a little more time, I could push hard and make up that remaining 10%. But harsh as it may sound, now is the time for relationships to dwindle, not for strengthening them. Yet another bangla word pops up in my mind, Afsos.

My greatest friend in life has always been Allah Ta'aala. And every time I talk to this Friend, I never forget to mention the others. May Allah keep us all together, on the Right Path, for eternity.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Tears Inside Me

Since we've come to our senses, one particular thing has been part and parcel of our lives, classes. So now that our classes are all over, it's been a little hard for us all to accept the situation we're being thrust into. It's hard to imagine that I'm not gonna wake in a hurry anymore, putting on the clothes as fast as I can, grabbing my bag and dashing out of home without taking breakfast, to catch the first class. There will be no more staring at the white (or black) board and struggling to keep up with the pace of the lecturer, no more staring blankly into the eyes of the teacher, not understanding a word yet pretending to know it all. No more attending the quizzes with zero preparation and not regretting about it at all. Not gonna have to submit anymore lab reports, although most I did was change the font of someone else's hard work. But above everything else, the most striking fact is that there will be no more of friends. Sound too harsh I guess, cuz you're probably thinking, hey friends will always be there. But the fact is, one can never find the friends as they were in the magical times of student life. Without classes we won't be in touch on a regular basis, and without that, relations can never remain the same. Once I differed myself with the last statement. When the classes of school came to an end more than seven years ago, a very close friend of mine mentioned it on a letter he had written me. It sounded strange back then, but I was soon to realize that it was true. The school pals who I couldn't spend a day without talking to, soon started to fade away. We had each others cell numbers, and we still exist in our messenger lists, but something inside us have changed, that prevents us from knocking each other. Harsh as it may sound, the same is bound to happen with my varsity pals as well.
It is probably the realization of this very fact that made all the 'macho men' of our class cry out loud on the last day. I stood at the doorway of our classroom and watched with amazement, that all the grown up friends of mine who would otherwise consider crying as a girly affair, showed no shame in crying on each others' shoulders.
I've always been rather emotionless. When the situation demands a strong reaction in me, the true sense of the situation doesn't settle in into my mind. It's like I'm watching a film without much concentration. So when I really should cry, and my eyes just start to get a little blurry and a clot starts to form in my throat, the stronger part in me holds back the tears, and swallows hard, and keeps a totally indifferent reaction about the face. For this reason, my family members have always labeled me as a totally emotionless person. But yet when all is over, and I'm alone sitting in my room or lying down on my bed, another part of me takes over, and I really wished I could cry, and let it all out. It's a strange dilemma that has been my bane for my whole life so far.
The same sort of thing happened to me when all my pals were crying. I somehow didn't shed a single drop of tear. Instead I was smiling, and took a very good look on the unforgettable scene that unfolded in front of me. But as soon as I came back home, I started to regret how things went. I really wish now that I could let it all out, that I could hold them hard and shed all my tears on the shoulders of Nobin, Shuvro, Pulak, Rumman, Tanim, Imran, Imtiaz, Kanto, Kanon and all the others, and scream out and say "I'm gonna miss you all like you'll never know". May the blessings of the Almighty Allah be upon my dearest pals all through their life, my He keep them all on the Right Path. May Allah keep us together in this life and the next.